teddies don't hug back

everyday is nothing more than ordinary, but when I put myself to bed, i miss you.

And when I do miss you, I just grab Teddy in the corner of my bed,smile and think of you hugging me. But Teddy can't replace you, he doesn't hug back.


I want some hug. BIG night-long hug. Teddy's hug isn't enough.

But things are different now, I cant hug you when I want to. And Teddy is my last option.

me feeling sad

I wrote this lines for Tope sometime in 2007..

Why I should be grateful of having You

Anyhow, thank you…

for tossing an eye on me, always

for the isaw and proven treats at raymundo

for sudden meet-ups which make me feel I’m being missed

for the cute ninay stories when you get back to elbi after home

for sharing your mp3s and your dad’s tapa, yummie!

for sweet silence on dull afternoons

for keeping me in and out of my track

for letting me sniff you before the day ends

for picking me after class

for just being there on weekends

for the hard time spent over watching showbiz when I insist

for appreciating my hair when it’s curly or not so curly (‘twas never that straight though)

for making me feel comfortable…

for still being there in the mornings

for keeping butterflies in my stomach

for walking with me around the campus

for keeping your patience when it’s my time of the month

for scratching my back

for asking me what I want to eat; and

for finishing most of my meals

for the soothing massage when I’m stressed

for holding my hand and lending yours

for calling me yours

for making me miss us on boring days of vacations

for being there after vacations

for catching me every time I slip on wet floors

for day-starter-and-ender texts that never failed to make my heart skip

for going with me on Sunday mass and for the dinner after

for volunteering as my human pillow

for making me aware of my jealous and sappy me

for allowing me to realize my worth

for still being there after our rough points

for the little and big stuff went noticed

for doing nothing at times

for everything…

and thank you for keeping the love burning. ϋ






and now I'm writing this..


No more...

isaw and proven treats at raymundo

sudden meet-ups which make me feel I’m being missed

cute ninay stories when you get back

mp3s and your dad’s tapa, yummie!

sweet silence on dull afternoons

best friend to keep me in and out of my track

time to sniff you at the end of the day

pick-ups after class

weekends together

hard time for you watching showbiz, because I wont insist

appreciations when my hair is curly or not so curly

mornings

butterflies in my stomach

walk with you around the campus

person to throw to my bad mood when it’s my time of the month

me who insists on scratching my back

friend who finish most of my meals, I should eat all of it now

soothing massage when I’m stressed

hand to hold me

you after vacation

Sunday mass with you

human pillow


everything…

you to care and love me.


I made my self miss you. Sorry,it's my fault.

cut..

"I wish I could tell you what I want, but to hurt you is the last thing I would do, either way I hurt myself." --Aug.27, 2008


I told him today.

I thought it would be as easy as I thought it would be. But hell, it wasn't. I feel guilty for making him feel bad.

It's my decision to break it, but it ended breaking my heart.



PS: Still, I love you. You're the best thing in college next to my degree.

I'm not yet over him

and i wouldn't be.

if I look back in those pages it always come to a point where I would pause for a while and think of him, and this silence leave a little smile in my face. I never really dared to tell him how much I liked him, even now, I guess I'm too shy and afraid that it would destroy the space I built between us over years. A space where the only thing I allowed to stay was friendship.

I found another love, another man and another friend after I decided to sketch that space, but still not enough to forget him. I wanted him to know everything about me and my new life, hoping that he would pull me back, but he never did. He allowed me to discover life, and love with him few steps behind, while another man is holding my hand. He is always a friend to me and will remain as a friend.


Somewhere between the million happy things of being with him,still I cant make one line which would tell how much i liked him.